# Dene's guide on how to be a noob.



## Dene (Jan 1, 2009)

There are four critical steps to being a noob.

Step One: The Three "Inco's"
Incohesion, Incomprehensiveness, and Inconsistency.
Incohesion: No sentence should be grammatically correct. For example: "I ate an apple too" becomes "I ate an apple to".
Incomprehensiveness: No sentence should fully comprise of correctly spelt words. For example: "What is the best way to jump" becomes "Wats da best way to jump".
Inconsistency: Where possible, spell words differently to everyone else. For example: "I use the Fridrich method" becomes "I use the Friedrich method".

Step Two: Ask stupid questions.
If you know that a google search will work, do not do it. If you know the answer lies in wikipedia, do not try. Go straight to the forums and make a new thread.

Step Three: Post in the wrong forum.
Your question belongs in "Beginners Central", but it will not be posted there, because it would look better in "Speedcubing"

Step Four: Fail to come to a reasoned conclusion about Dene's sex.
Is that person a girl, or a guy, or what?


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## Fobo911 (Jan 1, 2009)

That... is GENIUS!


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## Samlambert (Jan 1, 2009)

Epic. Sticky please.


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## toast (Jan 1, 2009)

I HAVE TO USE THAT. I really need to use that. It should help me.


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## Lotsofsloths (Jan 1, 2009)

When I grow up, I wanna be a.....
1337 pwnz0r n00b-eating H4X0R.


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## Ryanrex116 (Jan 1, 2009)

I should try that later.


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## DcF1337 (Jan 1, 2009)

Dene is a genius.


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## IamWEB (Jan 1, 2009)

I love you.


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## Brett (Jan 1, 2009)

Your sentence examples were far too coherent. Did I seriously see you use the word "to" where the number "2" would be one character stroke less? Please fix that.


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## Lucas Garron (Jan 1, 2009)

Brett said:


> Your sentence examples were far too coherent. Did I seriously see you use the word "to" where the number "2" would be one character stroke less? Please fix that.


Some noobs are to lazy to type "2" instead.


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## nitrocan (Jan 1, 2009)

Dene said:


> Step Four: Fail to come to a reasoned conclusion about Dene's sex.
> Is that person a girl, or a guy, or what?



Or keep tricking people about your sex by changing your signature all the time.


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## Dene (Jan 1, 2009)

Brett said:


> Your sentence examples were far too coherent. Did I seriously see you use the word "to" where the number "2" would be one character stroke less? Please fix that.



Sorry I know I did struggle with the examples, but they can stay as they are.


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## Odin (Jan 1, 2009)

Looks likez im a nub


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## nitrocan (Jan 1, 2009)

An addition to this wonderful tutorial:

-Put "noob" in your username.
-Call the Rubik's Cube "rubix cube"
-Make it hard for people to understand your writing.
-Just join the forum and immediately make a "How to get faster?" thread.
http://www.speedsolving.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8191
-Argue with Mr. Pochmann after getting owned, then get owned even worse.
-Then spend an hour checking your post before posting, or even decide not to post because of the fear of getting owned again.


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## Odin (Jan 1, 2009)

nitrocan said:


> An addition to this wonderful tutorial:
> 
> -Put "noob" in your username.
> -Call the Rubik's Cube "rubix cube"
> ...



that suxs so much.... i did every thing but the first one "-Put "noob" in your username." IM am a nub


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## nitrocan (Jan 1, 2009)

Odin said:


> nitrocan said:
> 
> 
> > An addition to this wonderful tutorial:
> ...



Well if you do all of that, then you become a supernoob. Just noob is fine.


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## pcharles93 (Jan 1, 2009)

Don't forget that noobs make polls that serve no purpose at all like ones asking for personal info or making a poll and including a very small portion of all the choices.


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## Hadley4000 (Jan 1, 2009)

Brilliant, Dene!


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## patrickpoako1 (Jan 1, 2009)

brilliant!brilliant
being a noob is simplicity itself.


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## Fobo911 (Jan 1, 2009)

EDIT: How about making a guide on how to be goofy?


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## blade740 (Jan 1, 2009)

I've come to the conclusion that anyone with "Beard" in their name can only be a man.


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## Dene (Jan 1, 2009)

blade740 said:


> I've come to the conclusion that anyone with "Beard" in their name can only be a man.



Ha ha, including my sisters?


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## nitrocan (Jan 1, 2009)

There are many useful tutorials on this forum. I remember a tutorial about googling. Maybe we can make a book.

Any idea for the name of the book?


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## cardmagic12345 (Jan 1, 2009)

Its that time of the month already? It's the freaking 1st.

Edit: j/k it was too perfect.


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## d4m4s74 (Jan 1, 2009)

nitrocan said:


> There are many useful tutorials on this forum. I remember a tutorial about googling. Maybe we can make a book.
> 
> Any idea for the name of the book?


"You don't have to be an idiot - An illustrated guide"
"9001 ways to survive the internet"
any other ideas?


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## Odin (Jan 1, 2009)

d4m4s74 said:


> nitrocan said:
> 
> 
> > There are many useful tutorials on this forum. I remember a tutorial about googling. Maybe we can make a book.
> ...



"this isnt sparta THIS IS THE INTERNET"


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## pcharles93 (Jan 1, 2009)

Odin said:


> d4m4s74 said:
> 
> 
> > nitrocan said:
> ...



"All your idiocy/anonymity are belong to me"


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## blade740 (Jan 1, 2009)

You guys fail at memes. Hard.


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## fanwuq (Jan 1, 2009)

How about a simple "DNF" ?


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## jenni (Jan 1, 2009)

nitrocan said:


> There are many useful tutorials on this forum. I remember a tutorial about googling. Maybe we can make a book.
> 
> Any idea for the name of the book?




We used to have a phrase at uni when we'd handed in a piece of coursework we thought was bad or if we were about to go into an exam we hadn't revised for...


"All aboard the fail bus!!!"


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## Rubixcubematt (Jan 1, 2009)

OMG dene, tyvm 4 dis awesum guide. i luv u 4 dis.  lol.


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## Erik (Jan 1, 2009)

Dene said:


> blade740 said:
> 
> 
> > I've come to the conclusion that anyone with "Beard" in their name can only be a man.
> ...




 you have a sister and never told me? 
Ok that's very clever.  

Anyway, very nice guide! Can't really think of other things to put in.


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## Escher (Jan 1, 2009)

Odin said:


> Fobo911 said:
> 
> 
> > How about making a guide on how to be a retard?
> ...



how about making a guide on being disablist? you seem pretty good at it.


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## Dene (Jan 1, 2009)

Erik said:


> Dene said:
> 
> 
> > blade740 said:
> ...



Did anyone ever ask? I don't really talk about my family much. But yes, I have 2 older sisters, and one younger brother.


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## Lord Voldemort (Jan 1, 2009)

Dene said:


> Step Four: Fail to come to a reasoned conclusion about Dene's sex.
> Is that person a girl, or a guy, or what?



That clearly makes us all noobs. 
And you forgot to tell us never to capitalize or use punctuation.


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## Lotsofsloths (Jan 1, 2009)

Dene, are you a BOY or a GIRL, please answer.
I thought you were a girl at first, then I thought you were a boy, now I think you are a girl. What is it?


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## MistArts (Jan 1, 2009)

Lotsofsloths said:


> Dene, are you a BOY or a GIRL, please answer.
> I thought you were a girl at first, then I thought you were a boy, now I think you are a girl. What is it?



I found out using his YouTube...


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## Dene (Jan 2, 2009)

I'm sure I've explicitly said so many times.


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## JTW2007 (Jan 2, 2009)

i'll need too try sum of this out


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## DavidWoner (Jan 2, 2009)

Odin said:


> Fobo911 said:
> 
> 
> > How about making a guide on how to be a retard?
> ...



I find both of your remarks rather offensive. While "nooby" behavior is generally frowned upon, saying things like that is strictly against the rules of the forum.


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## Fobo911 (Jan 2, 2009)

Vault312 said:


> Odin said:
> 
> 
> > Fobo911 said:
> ...



Eh, I can understand that. I'll change my post.


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## Lt-UnReaL (Jan 2, 2009)

Lucas Garron said:


> Brett said:
> 
> 
> > Your sentence examples were far too coherent. Did I seriously see you use the word "to" where the number "2" would be one character stroke less? Please fix that.
> ...


Are you trying to tell us something?


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## shelley (Jan 2, 2009)

jenni said:


> nitrocan said:
> 
> 
> > There are many useful tutorials on this forum. I remember a tutorial about googling. Maybe we can make a book.
> ...



All aboard the failboat works even better.


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## ExoCorsair (Jan 2, 2009)

guyzzzzzz DONT 4GET 2 USE tieping................................................................................. n dont 4get 2 taek ur f1ngerz offfff keyzzzzzzzzzzzz..................................................... pnctuotaijsodfn is a musttt btw were can i git diy cubez???????????????????????? srry 4 my bd tieping.............................

Sorry, couldn't resist.


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## F1Z2L3 (Jan 2, 2009)

Can someone direct me to a tutorial on how to post a reply


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## Inusagi (Jan 2, 2009)

I am a noob already. I don't need a guide on it(or was).


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## nitrocan (Jan 2, 2009)

F1Z2L3 said:


> Can someone direct me to a tutorial on how to post a reply



There's a way to do that?


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## Inusagi (Jan 2, 2009)

nitrocan said:


> F1Z2L3 said:
> 
> 
> > Can someone direct me to a tutorial on how to post a reply
> ...



I don't believe it. It's like saying that human can fly. What a joke...

Prove me that it's possible.


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## James Kobel (Jan 2, 2009)

shelley said:


> jenni said:
> 
> 
> > nitrocan said:
> ...



But all aboard the fail train works best I think.


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## Odin (Jan 2, 2009)

James Kobel said:


> shelley said:
> 
> 
> > jenni said:
> ...



"mabye your the one ridding the f***ing fail train, but i've been the prince of darkness sense 1979!"-Ozzy. How about "The speed solving guide on not being a noob?"


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## DavidWoner (Jan 2, 2009)

James Kobel said:


> shelley said:
> 
> 
> > jenni said:
> ...



I agree that failtrain is best, because you get to say CHOO CHOO afterwards.


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## Rabid (Jan 2, 2009)

I _still _think Dene is a cute Boi.


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## Paul Wagner (Feb 19, 2009)

1 u$3|) +0 p331 0ff +h3 $ick3r$ @nd pU+ th3m 0N LOLZOMG ROFLROFL


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## stoopid_monkey24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Dene I didn't think that you could get any cooler but you have gone up to a level of cool that as far as I know doesn't even exist yet


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## abr71310 (Feb 19, 2009)

Write "How I sh0t w3b?" every four lines and quote 4Chan wherever and whenever possible.

If you can't, make up words like "Gorgonfl00z" and expect everyone to know what they mean.

Besides that, Dene, this is awesome.


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## dChan (Feb 19, 2009)

I've actually met Dene. She's a she.


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## happa95 (Feb 19, 2009)

dChan said:


> I've actually met Dene. She's a she.



I second that statement


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## 4Chan (Feb 19, 2009)

abr71310 said:


> Write "How I sh0t w3b?" every four lines and quote 4Chan wherever and whenever possible.
> 
> If you can't, make up words like "Gorgonfl00z" and expect everyone to know what they mean.
> 
> Besides that, Dene, this is awesome.



I love 4chan!


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## AndyRoo789 (Mar 3, 2010)

oMg!!!11 dis iz liek D beztest tiutourial evar.


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## dannyz0r (Mar 3, 2010)

AndyRoo789 said:


> oMg!!!11 dis iz liek D beztest tiutourial evar.



Hidden Step Five: Bump a thread for no use.


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## AndyRoo789 (Mar 3, 2010)

dannyz0r said:


> AndyRoo789 said:
> 
> 
> > oMg!!!11 dis iz liek D beztest tiutourial evar.
> ...



no u.
shudup!!1
mai p0st WAs reaily impurtent.


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## Edward (Mar 3, 2010)

I did it! Without even trying I was successful in being a noob. Now to undo the process .


Spoiler


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